My Battle With Graves Disease, part 1

My story probably started way earlier but that’s only in hindsight, let’s start in the summer of 2014 in France. I thought i had a bit too much around the waist and wanted to feel better, despite the fact that i worked out (fitness, running) and biked to work every day. Of course when there’s french cheese and bread you don’t start right away so after we came home i put my mind to it and started changing things. Less bread, more ricecrackers, other dietary changes and started a new way of working out through crossfit.

But soon, eating was getting more difficult, wasn’t really hungry, stomach was protesting with sort of a pinching feeling or knot in the gut. This caused me to eat less and even skip meals. Athletically it didn’t go bad but, in hindsight, never really well. Often during a workout i had an empty and low energy feeling. But i thought that this is just part of getting started. But also at work, again in hindsight, things weren’t going smoothly. Speaking to quickly, stumbling with words, unfocussed, couldn’t sit still. Also at home things weren’t improving, i was edgy, didn’t react well to the kids. And being a bit of an introvert didn’t really help the situation.

What did go well was the loss in weight, melting ice. I started at 96kg and after 2 or 3 weeks i was down to 93/92 and a bit later to 90. I was even proud to go shopping for tighter pants. But despite the diet and working out, the energylevel was not that high and i got more edgier, hurried. And then things got busy at work….so it’s stress right? It would explain the fact that i’ve not been sleeping well (waking up 2 or three times at night), for quite a long time actually.

But the loss of weight was going well, 88 kg and a few weeks later down to 85. My wife thought it was going to far and was worried. I got a bit worried as well but the six-pack was showing so that can’t be bad. Then down to 84/83kg, mmm, anyways, the Sinterklaas festivities were done, almost holiday so no more stress and with Christmas in foresight i thought i could go for an eating-binge and everything would be alright.

On the monday after Sinterklaas i wasn’t feeling well, bit of a flew. I was down to 82kg so i went home early from work and lied down on the couch. I woke that night with sort of a cramp in my leftcalf, didn’t think too much of it. Next day i brought the kids to school and thought i’d go for a short run to get the cramp out. Okay, bad idea, after 200m i had to sit down and almost couldn’t breath. Very weird feeling considering we did a pretty hefty WOD the week before with 300 airsquats, 200 kettlebell swings, 100 burpees, 800 m running, 100 burpees, 200 kettlebell swings and 300 airsquats (with a buddy and ended within 43 minutes or so). So i went back home thinking the flew really got me. But anyways, had to pick up a Christmas tree so took the bike to the gardencentre and back again. Pffff, had to lie down. Something wasn’t right because my heart was also pounding quite hard, which has been the case for a while now. So i made a doctors appointment.

Now i can’t remember if i went to the doctor the same or the next day but went there by bike, like we do here in the Netherlands. I tell my story and the doctor asks: “did you come here by bike?”. And then she said: “i’m inclined to call an ambulance and not let you go home”. Okay, didn’t see that one coming, still not realizing the seriousness of the situation. So i promised i’d call my wife, who was working at home that day and then immediatly go the the hospital which she made sure would be informed upon arrival.

An hour later at the hospital i was taken for an X-ray and then a checkup which seemed fine. After that they injected me with contrast-fluid so the CT-scan could get a good image. So i got into a dark room, people whispering in the back, and into a CT-scan which is quite intimidating. Keep calm, breath slowly, which is really hard as i was getting more nervous. After the scan i was brought back to a room and with no one telling me anything, we were still in the dark.

Waited for half an hour, then suddenly a nurse walks in and injects me with something. Bloodthinner, she says. Hun, why? Has the doctor had a chat with you? He’ll be here shortly. A bit later the doctor comes and explains that i’ve had a lung or pulmenary embolism. Which at the time didn’t strike me as serious but it actually can be lifethreatening (a friend later told me his father died of one). But what about my calf? That means thrombosis, which probably resulted, via bloodcloths, in the pulmenary embolism. It was only later that night, when it was clear i had to remain in the hospital, that my calf started swelling and actually started to hurt.

Euhh, what about graves? Won’t be long. So there i was in a hospital bed on bloodthinners and a compression around my calf, not much fun. Luckily my wife was there to support me and take care of the kids, family and friends looking me up, so it was bit of a rollercoaster but it wasn’t ‘real’ yet. The next day the doctor came for a checkup and we asked about the weightloss but he said it’s not related. But he made an appointment with another doctor but first a few more days of rest.

Then, a few days later, another doctor starts asking about stress, being on edge, starts touching my throat and asked for some bloodwork. The result? You guessed it, Graves disease. What the hell is that? Apparently an auto-immune disease. But how? We don’t know either. Okay, but what about the thrombosis and pulmenary embolism? As far as we know there is no relation. Right, a bit of a coincidence don’t you think!?. Again more medicine, strumazol for the thyroid and betablockers for calming the heart.

Damn, should be a fun Christmas. But my mind was already at ‘when can i work out again and get back to work?’, instead of realising what happened. The good thing though is a started feeling better, i was calmer, my heart wasn’t beating as hard anymore and my hands weren’t shaking (another symptom). I could move around and started sleeping better and things were looking better. But anyone with Graves, or any auto-immune disease, knows that this is just the start of the battle which i will tell in my next blog.

Donald J. Trump, just what America needed (?)

I’ve been somewhat fascinated with America politics ever since Al Gore lost to George Bush in the 2000 election. Not the least because he partly lost due to a bad designed voting ballot. And since 2016 it has become even more interesting with the, not so surprising, election victory of Donald J. Trump. It has been fun to watch all the late night talk show hosts take jabs at Trump, especially my favorite John Oliver.

But it got me thinking as to why he won and if he is really the narcisistic ego maniac the mainstream media makes him out to be or if he’s quite clever in his own way (or both). So i wanted to share my thoughts on this subject.

Why he won?

I won’t linger on this too long because there’s lots of resources out there that explain why. But i wanted to highlight 3 things that are interesting:

Majority vote does not count: America is the only (as far as i know) where a majority vote does not count. That was the case in the 2016 election where Hillary Clinton won 2.1% more of the votes that Trump.

Effective use of social media: (i won’t go into the Russian interference which i think has been proven quite well) to share and counter ideas, attack opponents (on both sides of the political spectrum), and lots of self-aggrandizing of and by Donald Trump. It was so effective because of the third highlight:

Fear: people in the swing states and states where the ‘old’ industry resides have had it hard the last decade because of, amongst other things, automation, which Andrew Yang explains very well. The Job-loss because of that, combined with:

all the cultural changes that conservative america is not ready for,
the fear of becoming a white minority,
decades of relativly poor education and
voters fed up with the political swamp

caused voters in the ‘swing’ states to vote for trump. Fear worked perfectly for Trump.

Is Trump a bad president?

To answer this question i first want to seperate a few things when talking about Donald Trump:

Trump as a person: i don’t know much about him as a person besided what i see in documentaries and on tv-shows which do not always depict him in a positive way to say the least. However there’s always the facade people hold up in public so i can’t really judge him here. But you can tell a lot from a person they way he behaves and talks, and in the case of Donald Trump, let’s just say we would not be best of friends.

Trump as a business man: When you look at his roallercoaster resume he’s a real business man (born rich so he had a headstart) and entrepreneur but also someone who takes risks and doesn’t always play fair or by the rules. The fact that he went bankrupt 6 times can be discussed both negatively (who goes backrupt 6 times?) and positively (he came out on top 6 times as well). So i would say that he’s succesfull as a business man (not going into ethical discussions here).

Trump as a president: in my opinion and views he failes miserably. As a president you represent and lead your country by example both with dignity and humility. You are a bridgebuilder to bring people together (although i think America is a lost cause regarding that concern). Trump has been anything but that:

always twisting or making up his own truth,
purposfully attacking people who don’t agree with him,
not stepping up to the plate when he should (like Charlottesville) and
acting like a 2 year old on twitter with the Gretta-tweet as an example.

Although most republicans publically support him, i bet a lot are ashamed of their commander-in-chief. A lot can be said and discussed but it’s not worth the digital ink.

Trump’s domestic policies: Although his message resonates with a whole lot of (conservative) people regarding items like economy and immigration, the ‘HOW’-part is a disaster:

Education: now even more eletist than ever thanks to Betsy deVos
Environmental policies: Trump seems to be hellbound on turning back environmental policies from the Obama administration with potentially devastating consequences for American health and the environment
Immigration: a country based on and made great by immigrants is now trying keep Muslims and people from South America away by telling lies and building a wall that won’t actually solve anything
Health care: he has tried to repeal Obamace multiple times and although it’s definitly not great (largely due to Republicans when negotiating the deal) his lack of sympathy for the millions of Americans without proper health care like we have in Europe, is appaling.

What he has got going for him is the economy which is a result, in my opinion, of swift action Obama and the FED took during the financial crisis. But to Trumps’ credit, his actions don’t seem to hurt the economy that much, for now. But to say that due to his policies the economy is now stronger than ever……

Trump’s foreign policies: Now here is where things get interesting and where i think Trump is actually getting things in motion. Of cource in diplomatic terms there’s lots to improve and he has not made much friends, but as an American i would not be so fast as to criticize him.

Foreign wars: Afghanistan, Irak, Syria, not easy places to get out off, but he has taken more action on these matters than Obama, who seriously screwed up on Syria. You can debate wether it’s the right action but we all can agree that, despite the heroic sacrifice soldiers have made, they are unwinnable, senseless wars. When does the west stop meddling in or dealing with countries they shouldn’t. From an American perspective, getting their soldiers home is important and also stopping the money that has been poured into those wars and using it for domestic purposes. Trump is getting things done, now see if he can finish it.

Renegotiating Economic Pacts: Here is where his business instincts are helping him, telling people about the bad-deals his predecessors made and actually renegotiating pacts in a more favorable way for America. This will also help his 2020 campaign which can depict him as a dealmaker.

China: this is in my view the most important he is doing, getting tough on China. China has been getting away with lots of thing, especially with keeping the status of a developing country, not opening up their internal market for foreign companies and state funding of companies to keep prices low. Everyone has been too soft on China and tries to make friends with a nation that’s only interested in making China strong (locally). Lots of countries depend on China economically, especially the U.S, so it’s a gamble for Trump waging a trade-war which can have great impact wordwide. But is seems that it’s paying off. We still have to see how this unfolds but it’s a start. Europe should follow his lead.

Of course there are lots of things to be critical about like Climate Change policies, ties with Saudi Arabia, influence of weapons industry with regards to foreign policies, Ukraine, Iran, etc.. But that does not change the fact that he has come through on some of his promises in the eyes of his base and others.

Will he be impeached?

25% chance, no matter which side you are on, anyone with half a brain and that has watched the hearings has to admit it’s shady at best. But due to republicans having the majority in the senate, chances of impeachment are low, but not entirely of the table. Unfortunatly, should he be impeached, the people next in line are not much of an improvement.

Will he win the next election?

75% change. Bernie Sanders should have been the democratic candidate in 2016 and is the most authentic candidate….if only you were 10 years younger. Warren has good ideas but can she convince the swingvoters and keep the wealthy democratic supporters on board. Biden as a president seems promising but he is vulnerable and is scoring poorly during debates. Andrew Yang has some of the best ideas but too far fetched for a lot of Americans. Pete……seems like a nice guy. The rest…..

So, is he a bad president?

Yes, definitly. I would not want that man as a president. He might be doing allright on foreign policies but the fact that he can’t get over himself, lies all the time, is not bringing America together and simply is not carrying himself in a dignified way makes him unfit for office. He might have been a very good minister of foreign policies, but we’ll never find out.

But he is smarter, in his own way, than most people give him credit for and his business and non-political approach combined with a savvy team around him, resonates with people, so strategically he’s doing ok and is actually the president conservative voters are looking for.

Final Thoughts

I’m going to continue following the news coverage, it’s fun, interesting and educational as well. I’ve also read the book A People’s History of the United States by Howard Zinn which explains a whole lot and also that nothing much has changed in centuries. But as a friend told me, America is somewhat of a young nation still trying to find it’s way and that’s never a smooth ride. Good luck America!

And writing a blog takes even more time than expected, but a great exercise for rethinking certain subjects and actual write something. Already have a few more ready to come out.

To blog or…

Why Blog?

Be curious, not judgmental.
— Wald Whitman

I attended the Digital Architecture Design Day conference today and was inspired by one of the keynote speakers Eric Schabell who talked about sharing thoughts and ideas to educate, inspire and ignite a conversation.

This got me thinking about how i’ve always felt a tendency to help and educate people with things i’ve learned and also have a (healthy) thurst for knowlegde and understanding and simply to write things down. But i never took the time to share my thoughts and ideas to enable this in a more structured way.

So the proof of the pudding is in the eating and i’m going to use the coming year for exploring blogging and see what comes out of that.

My blogs will mostly be about my work as an Architect at bol.com, my experience with basketball and training kids, living with the auto-imune disease called ‘graves disease‘ and what i’ve done to cope with it, movies, family and my second favorite sport crossfit.

So here goes.